Alright. It's been a while, something I'll lazily blame on the exams. Anyway, after a round of not-so-hot exams, I (lazily) thought of a few things that might have been funner to do in the examinations, than actually take them. Note that blindly following these suggestions MAY adversely affect your performance in the said examination. I say 'may' because, who knows, they might just help. Stranger things HAVE happened.
1. "The false alarm," one of my favorites. Once the examination starts, raise your hand in order to summon a magical invigilator (yea, those guys appear out of nowhere). When he/she shows, and asks what you want, repeat the following sentence: "Oh, nothing, I just wanted to see how long it took you to reach me. You know, in case I need you during the exam." At this point, the invigilator will probably warn you not to try to pull that sort of a stunt again. After about 5 minutes, pull that sort of a stunt again. This time the invigilator might get a tad angry and might even raise his voice. If this happens, calmly remind him "Sir, this is an exam, please keep you're voice down. We're trying to concentrate you know.... sheeeeesh." He'll walk away. Yes, I'm sure.
NOW comes the fun part, the third time. Raise your hand, and this time (most probably) multiple invigilators appear. The guy isn't even going to listen to you this time. He (and his bouncer buddies) start escorting you out of the hall. At this point, you start screaming at the top of your lungs, "but I only wanted more paper!!! honest!!" It is probably best if you actually HAVE finished your booklet and want more paper. The look on the invigilators face is well worth filling up ten pages with complete bs. Whats more, the guy has lost the respect of his peers, who probably think all he wanted was to ruin a young kids life. We all know what happens to HIM. And to think you did all that by raising your hand. Sounds fun now doesnt it?
2. "The alternate answer." This one isnt all that popular, because the results aren't apparent until.. never actually (unless you go to a school where you get your scripts back, then this might be fun). This "thing to do" is rather simple. Just write something that is not related to the question. For example, when you are asked to calculate the relative velocity of a moving collar in a rotating frame, write a 2000 word essay on "why calculators, and not dogs, are man's best friend". You answer might include and display crisp logic, perfect syntax and command over grammar, and an extensive vocabulary. After all, exams are where you show off what you've learnt, right?
On a related note, remember that guy who wrote that silly essay on 'courage,' and got into that silly university (its probably is a myth, but still). "This is courage" are the three words that he wrote on that piece of paper; after which he proceeded to leave the rest of the paper blank. Man, what a brilliant piece of work; what amazing wordplay, what superlative mastery ofthe English language, what brains it must have taken to come up with something so marvellous, somethign unsurpassed in the history of essay writing, something that would put John Donne to shame, and make him ask himself "can I ever really call myslef a writer again?". And that "institute of higher learning" apparently welcomed that student with open arms. Seriously. Seriously???
But I digress...
3a. The chaos theory. Simple, quick, cool, and something that will immortalize you instantly. I can see it now "Dude!! Remember the guy who ran around the exam hall in his boxers? That was so neat, dude, dude." Limited only by your imagination, applications of the chaos theory might include : cutting the hair of the person in front of you, kicking a football around, picking a fight with your neighbour (or better, your invigilator), publicly undressing, yelling, singing, the consumption of alcohol, smuggling and eating a sandwich, trying to flood the place, bringing in a pet tiger, smashing a window, snatching and tearing to bits someone's answer script, humming, talking to the guy next to you about your relationship problems while pretending he's deaf so the entire hall hears every word you're saying (it is pretty quiet in there, you know), pitching a tent, cycling around the hall, launching your eraser into orbit using your scale, and so on and so forth.
3b. the chaos theory of fire. This, a subset of the chaos theory, includes, you guessed it, playing with fire. Burning your own script, your friends script, your friends pants, your friends hair, the invigilators pants, the invigilators hair (if any), are all included here. All you need is your zippo (which I bet is a fake that you bought in China) and an aerosol can. Alternately, a flame thrower would be nice. But I think they kinda stopped making those after the 80s.
Note: The chaos theory actually is very broad, and would cover pretty much everything you could do, or try to do, in an exam.
Some other things you could try:
4. Kill something.
5. Puking. I do not actually advise you to try this one, because it's kinda wimpy. And who names a fast food joint wimpy's anyway?
6. Sleep. This one is totally cool.
7. Wear a fancy dress. Dress up like zorro, or a clown, etc. This one doesn't even adversely affect your performance. Unless being stared at makes you nervous.
The possibilities, my friend, are endless. You are never going to have to get bored in an exam again. And that, is a promise.
Note 2: While I strongly urge you to try the above, I do not, in any form or way, condone cheating. Thats wrong. Yea. Wrong. Totally.
