The Chronicles of Uncle

What I have for you today is a sad story. A story about an incident that happens to everyone at some point in their lives. Yet the occurance of the incident is something that noone can ever foretell, and when it does occur, out of the blue; you look up and say, "did that just happen to me?" So weep, friends, as you read the all too famililar story of 'The Uncle Incident' (or depending on your gender, 'The Aunty Incident').

It all started one balmy summer's day in May. Most of the day passed without incident, but little did I realise that the mother of all incidents was headed my way. That evening, I walked down to the swimming pool, changed and splashed into the cool water. After swimming a few laps, beating up some people and playing around a bit, it happened. While I was wallowing in the shallow end of the pool, out of nowhere I heard a voice. The voice in itself was innocuous and innocent, that of a child not older than five; but when my brain finally comprehended what the child said, I froze. "Uncle, thoda hatna." (Uncle, please move). Uncle, I thought. Uncle. That little chit had called me Uncle. I turned around and stared at the kid with (in?) incredulous wonder. After he realised that I wasn't going to budge, he swam around me, and muttered something that sounded pretty close to "paagal uncle." (crazy uncle)

So there you have it. Little kids are calling me uncle now. I told you it was a sad story. I guess I may as well trade in my guitars and speakers for a walking stick inlaid with lapis lazuli.

But wait. Like most people who have recently graduated to uncles and aunties, I refuse to belive that I deserve the dishonor. There has to be a plausible reason why that kid called me that. I have, therefore, listed a few possibilities:

1. The kid was a member of a secret society. Most secret socities have weird question and answer thingies. For instance when the child said "Uncle, thoda hatna," maybe a member of the same society or cult would say "kyun chhotu, bade jaldi mein ho?" (Why kid, are you in a hurry?). After which the kid would promptly take me (or the person) to the cult's headquarters, where they might engage in such heinous activites as chewing gum smuggling.

2. The kid was high. I know I know, you're probably saying that children and abusive substances (is that what they're called?) don't mix, but what with television and the internet and crime on the streets and wacky role models and peer pressure, I think there's a good chance that the kid was truly gone. And, as we all know, people say and do pretty silly things when they're 'high'.

3. The kid was trying to voice activate a secret door/locker/passage in the swimming pool, and in an attempt to make the password phrase inconspicuous, that particular prhase was chosen because it had a high possibility of being used in the pool and wouldn't look suspicious when the kid said it. As opposed to abra kadabra, or open sesame, or khul ja sim sim.

4. I know this one is silly, but maybe he was just looking for a fight. OR (i just thought of this one) perhaps he wanted me to beat him up so then he could sue me! The nerve...

ok I'm out of words.