Sunday Evening

Ah, how I absolutely adore Sunday evenings! Sitting around, ODing on chill pills, slowly coming to terms with the fact that I have a brilliant, shiny, happy week ahead of me.

Convincing myself that my running shoes are just a tad too far away,

or that my socks aren't dry enough to prevent another outbreak of athlete's foot (what, me, athelete's foot? never),

or that my office laptop is actually a terminator sent back in time to destroy me, slowly,

or that getting clothed right now would be a task worthy of hercules himself. Then again, Greek demi Gods usually potter about in varying degrees of undress...

So, yes, about Sundays. And their glory.

Its the day that hope springs eternal. A day that fills our bosoms with dreams of expanding the realm of whats possible. That spurs us onto greater heights, and makes us laugh in the face of despair and defeat. A day we rally every last iota of our being, our strength, and our courage, to prepare for the battle that lies ahead. A day where we....

Sigh.

Me against the machine

5.30 am: It’s cold. Almost too cold. The alarm rings, just like it’s supposed to at 532am. But I’m already up anyway. I look out the window into the gloom, and suddenly realize why I’m shivering. The rain is beating down in sheets. I turn off the radio alarm (no, I cant take Gwen Stefani that early) and crawl to the bathroom. I turn the shower on, and SHIZER that’s cold. I shrink back in disgust (I’m shrinking) and wait for the puny heater to do its thing.

6.18 am: I’m three minutes behind schedule. This does not bode well for me. I tear out of my room in a blinding hurry, and start scurrying down the stairs. Almost immediately, I am engulfed by darkness. I curse the people who decreed that lights were to go out at 610. After I conquer the darkness, another foe lies ahead. A pack of bloodthirsty hounds from hell (or from the forest behind old kr) stand between me and salvation. It’s still raining. This is the part where I run. Blindly, madly, arms flailing, I run, fear lending me wings.

6.27 am: I’m on my knees at the src bus stop; cold, wet, hungry and out of breath. And I can see the 197 roll away. I yell, a gut wrenching yell that I’m sure can be heard for miles.

6.40 am: My cab arrives; a faint sliver of hope. Just maybe, I think to myself.

6.51 am: Maybe not, I think to myself as I see the shuttle bus pull away, and I’m running behind it, and its not stopping, and I’m yelling, and people are thinking I’m crazy, but all I really want is to get on that bus, am I rambling, maybe so, cos just thinking about missing buses these days sends me into a tizzy.
I stop chasing, and yell; a gut wrenching yell that I’m sure could be heard for miles.

6.55 am. I hop on the train, hoping to intercept my shuttle bus at Bugis, where it stops at 705 am to pick up more people.

7.06 am. Not happening. Dejectedly, I get off the train and decide to take a cab to work. At least I’ll be on time this way, I think to myself.

7.40 am. I’m in the cab, on my way to work, and everything seems to be going fine. Oh what’s this, why are we slowing down, I wonder aloud. The cab sensei then breaks the gut wrenching news to me: traff*ck jam. This is where I break. I slump to the floor of the cab, and let out a tearful whimper; there’s no strength left in me for a gut wrenching yell. Even the cab master feels my agony and resignation.

8.03 am: I tap in with my access card. My worst fears are confirmed. I am late. My life is over. My guts are wrenched.

I look at myself in the mirror later, and see what an empty shell I have become; but a shadow of my former self. NO more, I tell myself. I aint losing to that machine no more. You may have won this round, clock-in machine, but tomorrow, I’m gonna tap in so early you won’t know what hit you.

(this real life post is dedicated to the working man. or well, woman.)

Gone Vorse

(inspired by actual events/ based on a true story)

The day goes by, and here I sit;
the time will come, in just a bit.
The dreariness is killing me,
asleep is where I wanna be.

My eyes they start to close themselves;
but hey, who's gonna do those shelves?
And then the boss just walks right in...
says "Boy, this fist is craving chin"

"Oh hey!" I say, "You're back I see"
"Got work for me?" I ask with glee.
"Alright" he says "read this here book,"
the weight of which made the table crook.

[the line above's a syllable extra
but do you really give an F ya?]
And on we march with this story,
and no, it don end in glory.

Some time goes by; the book is read;
now I'm hanging on by a thread.
How much longer before I crack,
and end up like that guy on smack?

Oh wait, oh wait, its ten I see!
I'm free!! or well, at least its time for tea.


(written in iambic tetrameter quatrain; sorta spondee couplet ending, kno wha i be sayin?)

Funner things to do during examinations...

.... than write them.

Alright. It's been a while, something I'll lazily blame on the exams. Anyway, after a round of not-so-hot exams, I (lazily) thought of a few things that might have been funner to do in the examinations, than actually take them. Note that blindly following these suggestions MAY adversely affect your performance in the said examination. I say 'may' because, who knows, they might just help. Stranger things HAVE happened.

1. "The false alarm," one of my favorites. Once the examination starts, raise your hand in order to summon a magical invigilator (yea, those guys appear out of nowhere). When he/she shows, and asks what you want, repeat the following sentence: "Oh, nothing, I just wanted to see how long it took you to reach me. You know, in case I need you during the exam." At this point, the invigilator will probably warn you not to try to pull that sort of a stunt again. After about 5 minutes, pull that sort of a stunt again. This time the invigilator might get a tad angry and might even raise his voice. If this happens, calmly remind him "Sir, this is an exam, please keep you're voice down. We're trying to concentrate you know.... sheeeeesh." He'll walk away. Yes, I'm sure.

NOW comes the fun part, the third time. Raise your hand, and this time (most probably) multiple invigilators appear. The guy isn't even going to listen to you this time. He (and his bouncer buddies) start escorting you out of the hall. At this point, you start screaming at the top of your lungs, "but I only wanted more paper!!! honest!!" It is probably best if you actually HAVE finished your booklet and want more paper. The look on the invigilators face is well worth filling up ten pages with complete bs. Whats more, the guy has lost the respect of his peers, who probably think all he wanted was to ruin a young kids life. We all know what happens to HIM. And to think you did all that by raising your hand. Sounds fun now doesnt it?

2. "The alternate answer." This one isnt all that popular, because the results aren't apparent until.. never actually (unless you go to a school where you get your scripts back, then this might be fun). This "thing to do" is rather simple. Just write something that is not related to the question. For example, when you are asked to calculate the relative velocity of a moving collar in a rotating frame, write a 2000 word essay on "why calculators, and not dogs, are man's best friend". You answer might include and display crisp logic, perfect syntax and command over grammar, and an extensive vocabulary. After all, exams are where you show off what you've learnt, right?

On a related note, remember that guy who wrote that silly essay on 'courage,' and got into that silly university (its probably is a myth, but still). "This is courage" are the three words that he wrote on that piece of paper; after which he proceeded to leave the rest of the paper blank. Man, what a brilliant piece of work; what amazing wordplay, what superlative mastery ofthe English language, what brains it must have taken to come up with something so marvellous, somethign unsurpassed in the history of essay writing, something that would put John Donne to shame, and make him ask himself "can I ever really call myslef a writer again?". And that "institute of higher learning" apparently welcomed that student with open arms. Seriously. Seriously???

But I digress...

3a. The chaos theory. Simple, quick, cool, and something that will immortalize you instantly. I can see it now "Dude!! Remember the guy who ran around the exam hall in his boxers? That was so neat, dude, dude." Limited only by your imagination, applications of the chaos theory might include : cutting the hair of the person in front of you, kicking a football around, picking a fight with your neighbour (or better, your invigilator), publicly undressing, yelling, singing, the consumption of alcohol, smuggling and eating a sandwich, trying to flood the place, bringing in a pet tiger, smashing a window, snatching and tearing to bits someone's answer script, humming, talking to the guy next to you about your relationship problems while pretending he's deaf so the entire hall hears every word you're saying (it is pretty quiet in there, you know), pitching a tent, cycling around the hall, launching your eraser into orbit using your scale, and so on and so forth.

3b. the chaos theory of fire. This, a subset of the chaos theory, includes, you guessed it, playing with fire. Burning your own script, your friends script, your friends pants, your friends hair, the invigilators pants, the invigilators hair (if any), are all included here. All you need is your zippo (which I bet is a fake that you bought in China) and an aerosol can. Alternately, a flame thrower would be nice. But I think they kinda stopped making those after the 80s.

Note: The chaos theory actually is very broad, and would cover pretty much everything you could do, or try to do, in an exam.

Some other things you could try:

4. Kill something.

5. Puking. I do not actually advise you to try this one, because it's kinda wimpy. And who names a fast food joint wimpy's anyway?

6. Sleep. This one is totally cool.

7. Wear a fancy dress. Dress up like zorro, or a clown, etc. This one doesn't even adversely affect your performance. Unless being stared at makes you nervous.

The possibilities, my friend, are endless. You are never going to have to get bored in an exam again. And that, is a promise.

Note 2: While I strongly urge you to try the above, I do not, in any form or way, condone cheating. Thats wrong. Yea. Wrong. Totally.

BB King and Gary Moore - The Thrill Is Gone.avi

The Thrill Is Gone (Live) If I could talk like a guitar (??), this is how I'd want to sound.

China Part 2

Right, as promised, here is my second post on China, only about a week late. By now, my memory has probably altered facts, and what I spew out from this point on should be taken with a pinch of pepper.

China and food
Ok, this is a tricky one. My first meal here was a McDonald's McSpicy meal. Sound familiar? Nosh!t. My last meal here was chicken pizza, with frozen mocha. Sound familiar? Nosh!t. And in between, I spent a lot of my time at "Ali Baba" the "northern Chinese Cuisine" place, where we ate .... lamb kebabs, nan, and lassi. (ok the lassi's a bit much). By this point, you probably get the drift. *its a small world after all*

Now i dont usually crib about food (or anything else for that matter, cos I'm just a neat person who doesn't complain) , but I don't generally like chicken on my bones. Yes, the "meats" in local cuisine are more bones than meat. And I'm not exaggerating; when one sees little pieces of meat, one naturally assumes they're boneless. Au contraire, some of those pieces were just bones. And why stop there, other pieces were generally cartilage based, and I even ate something which while I was spitting out I was thinking "human knuckle".

Well, that aside, the food was aight.

In keeping with my character, (I'm talking laziness and sloth today) Im just going to post a few random pictures, as I promised, and let them do the talking. if each picture is worth a thousand words, you do the math. captions under picture.

"the mystic east: china"

"beware the hun in the sun. and the sun in your face."

"am the mc during the second day. and this is the only picture i have?"

"ooh. look at me. im the tall one. in the blue tie. ooh"

"get outta my picture + peter & shuting, REAL chinese people + this time i'm not the tall one"

" jason likes it. I think zaki does too. + neeraj is 'that guy' "

" me and prof chou, the vice dean of engin. no jokes here. oh wait, my eyes are closed LOL"

"I could just eat me up. Where's my nutella?"

"eh.. art?? yup.. paint a picture and call it GRBLAROIASD"

"business......?"

" ..... or pleasure?"

Thats all for this installment folks. Thats all on China for now. And thats all from me for a while. You see, I have "exams". LOL. and I also like LOL more than lol now.

Anyway, the fatman ran 8k today. so it looks like marathon or at least half mar is still doable.

peace out.

The Big C

I just got back from China; Guangzhou to be exact. Here's my "all about China in a nutshell" post.

China and the money

Money/shopping/material goods and gain should be among your primary concerns when you visit the place. When "they" say "stuff in China is cheap," "they" mean it. In fact, the currency of China (RMB) when translated to English (by a wise sage I know) means "youre getting ripped off". So when you ask someone how much somethign is for, they reply "200 you're getting ripped off" or "250 you're getting ripped off."

The reason for this is simple; there is always someone somwhere close by willing to sell you the same thing cheaper (Cardinal Rule number one).
There is no such thing as a bottom price. nada. I'll bet if you bargain hard enough they'll pay you to take stuff off them. Well, maybe not. Then again, maybe.

I had somethign like 40 sing spending money, with which I bought the following:

• a sweeeet graphite shaft pool cue in a gnaaarly wooden case. (26 $)
• gucci cufflinks (yes, you're right, what am i going to do with those) (4 $)
• 8 gb sony flash drive. (yes, 8 fishin' geebees) (14 $)
• mao zedong posters (4 $)
• turning a corner and seeing the same stuff at half the price (priceless $$$)

China and the place

Different parts of the city look pretty different. But most of the city looks like Delhi. In fact, there were instances when I was telling the cab driver, "if you turn left and go down that street you'll hit mall road, and from there Babloo's house is within walking distance." No, I don't know a Babloo, but sometimes I wish I did.

At other times, while walking through narrow gullies to get to that particular counerfeit shop, I could swear I'd be able to turn a corner and see kids playing cricket.

The university was alright, with the highlight being the coop that sold cigarette cartons for a buck, and beers for 60 cents. No, I don't smoke, but sometimes, I wish I did. Oh, and the university had lakes. Thats right; water-body-lake things. Apparently, a lot of universities in China have lakes in them. Very interesting. yawn.

It was also pretty hazy, so I felt right at home :P

China and the people

Chinese people are fun. Well, actually, playing dumb charades for four days straight is fun. I did not have a phrase book. So, I'm sure you can imagine (I'm talking about communication, just in case you hadn't already figured it out). But yes, the delegates at the conference (yes, I went there for a conference) were interesting and receptive. Made new friends, talked to people, etc even though my Chinese is limited to Ni Hao, naka, tckika?, xie xie, and meiyo (which was the word to know, pronounced mayo, like the stuff some people eat).

On a more interesting note though, one of the clubs we went to had a bikini-clad woman dancing with a python around her.

On an even more interesting note, at the airport, a woman tried to hand us a big doll house and convince us to take it with us past customs. No, really. Doesn't everyone know that all dolls at airports are stuffed with unmentionable items. And that chocolates have diamonds hidden in them. She didn't give us chocolate though, just the dolls; so we pretty much stayed awaaay from her.

got work and am sleepy now, will post a little more on china with pictures soon. maybe.

tc